I ended my fast at supper on Friday. I decided that I wasn't "getting anywhere" with it. I suspect that it's not my motivation or my methods that were to blame. After all, it would be impossible for me to ever have totally pure motivation for anything, so in that sense I could never be "good enough" to have a relationship with God. The same is true for my methods - while I readily admit that I'm a very poor prayer and an even worse listener, I could never be really good enough for God. The best I can ever do is try, and focus on improving, with God's help. Anyway, I'm now left feeling that somehow it was not God's will to "reveal himself" (in a relational, not a fantastical way) at this time or in this way. And who am I to argue with God? All I can do is continue to seek, and focus on becoming more in tune with his will, and particularly just focus on others. This was the advice I was getting from people all along, but I had to see if there was a "better" way. Apparently not. Ok, I can live with that. I just felt like I was doing all the things I'm supposed to, ever since maybe summer time (too soon?), but I don't seem to be really, tangibly experiencing a relationship with God. But ok, I'll keep plugging away, only it's hard not to be either impatient or complacent about growing closer to God (by which I mean knowing him and hearing his "voice"). God help me never to be impatient or complacent, but let me always be striving, yet always trusting your timing. But do let me know you, God. In your way and in your time, reveal yourself to me. Lord I thank you and I pray in the name of Jesus, Amen.