Well, what can I tell you? Life in the outside world goes on, much as it has this past age, full of it's own comings and goings - scarcely aware of the existence of Hobbits, for which I am very thankful. Anyway, I've had a bunch of talks since my fast ended, and I think I'm getting "better", if happiness is what matters. I was telling a teacher my whole thought process, and he said "It looks like you've been learning a lot", and I was like "Wow, ya, that's right". I guess I didn't come out with the results I'd hoped for, but I did learn some stuff. I had a thought just yesterday: I long to be close to God, and it hurts me to feel distant from him, but how much more must it hurt God not to be able to embrace me. To some extent, that's just his choice not to whisk me away to heaven, but he also seems to be consciously distancing himself (tangibly) from me now, and he must have a really good purpose for that. Maybe it's just to teach me stuff.

This is very difficult for me to say, but looking back I think I can see some of the reasons why God didn't reveal himself to me the way I wanted (want) him to, though of course at the time I never could have imagined them. I still think it would be better for God to be close to me, but I can see some benefits of doing things this way too. I'm certainly a very different person now than I would have been if God had given me my wish 18 months ago. I don't know if I'm a better person, but I'm getting by.