Talked to my first person at my Impact program today. I'm hooked. It was a girl, and she was scared. She asked to speak to a girl, so I gave her up, but the sound of her voice was enough to slay me. I don't know why, but I was totally blown away. I was just struck that this is a real person, and she has real problems, and I can help her. I was just sitting there thinking "I love you. I want to help you and hold you and keep you safe. I want to wipe away your tears and give you joy. I want to be Jesus to you." Oh God, thank you so much for this opportunity you've given me to change lives and show your love. Please help me do a good job and really help these people. I just fear that my chronic doubting will inhibit my ability to help these people, or make it necessary for me to lie to them. May it never be! Don't let me be ineffective. God, this is what it's all about. Every step and every breath is working toward a greater loving and serving of your precious children. Oh Lord, don't let me be betrayed by my intellect. Mould and refine me for the sake of these, your Beloved. Jesus make it so.

All this apologetic, self-demeaning talk about thinking is getting on my nerves. I think it was my insecurity about thinking that inhibited me more than the thinking itself. But that's how I felt then.