God, I'm frustrated with you. And with me, I guess, and with everything else. I'm just fed up. And I know that I've felt this way before, but that just makes it even more frustrating. Seriously God, what's going on? I try to be totally honest with myself, and with you, and really with everyone. (If I wasn't striving for honestly I might express less frustration.) I'm just a little sick and tired of philosophical and psychological nitpicking. I'm fed up with the fine points of theology and the nuances of symantics. I want to know you, God. And I want to love you and serve you. And I'm tired of being a "great guy" for asking the "hard questions", and I'm tired of being corrected and refocused by all these wise people. I've been doing an hour of devos a day (insert theological clarifications and disclaimers here) and I try to think of you all the time. God, I'm scared because I want to know you more, and I am willing to do what it takes, but I'm afraid of just fooling myself into a psychological connection with a God who doesn't exist. I guess I might just be asking for a sign, but I hate to think that. No, that's not really what I want. I guess I'm in tension between craving yet scorning intellectual assurance and longing for yet mistrusting baseless psychological assurance. Wow, I'm stuck God. And I'm almost afraid to ask you for help, because I'll misinterpert any help you might give me. And I'm not wanting to talk to other people, because I'm fed up with theology and semantics. Ultimatly I'm maybe just sick of feeling like I'm doing everything right but nothing's happening. Shoot. Help me Lord.