The realization that Bible school is almost over - that in a few short days I'll be done and doing something else - suddenly overwhelmed me. I'm suddenly back to feeling depressed and angry and restless and lethargic. I feel like water running down. Mingled and entwined in my heart are the desires to scream and destroy and the desires to love and give. Give not for the giving, but for the emptying, the bleeding, the loss. Love not for the loving, but for the passion and yearning and hurting. I'm reflecting now, sort of switching gears. I'm looking back over my previous entries and feeling nostalgic. I miss that passionate longing. But maybe I've forgotten how hard it was. I reread November 26 and it doesn't sound like much fun. Ah, forget it. I'm struggling for coherency here, but I'm giving up. Oh I wish I could play the piano like a demon. I'm full of a gentle fury, and if I was a wicked pianist I could scream and pound and whisper, bleeding my dark soul through my fingertips in a symphony of beautiful cold noise. "A gentle fury". Sounds good, doesn't it?