I'm at camp. I can't blog, so I'm journaling. I'm feeling sick. Like heart-sick, or soul-sick. I just read back through this journal, and the total effect is kind of depressing and frustrating. I've realized just today that I'm struggling against God, and it's a dumb thing to do, and I need to stop. I need to just let go of all my expectations and longings for God and be good. But it sucks. I don't want to live my life like this.

The astute reader will note that there were no entries for June. By this point my blog was in full motion, and only the absence of computer access at camp allowed for these final few entries.