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July 14
We're going to turn this thing around. I'm going to get out of this anger and doubt shit and come back to God. I realized just recently a few glaringly obvious things that must be admitted and must be acted on. First, I'm fighting against God. Second, this is a stupid thing to do. Third, I've become used to this, and do it just out of habit. Fourth, I do this largely because I find normal Christianity boring, and I rebel to feel special and interesting. This also means that I'm looking for some dramatic event to justify a return to God, rather than just admit I'm being stupid and do what I know I have to do.
But I'm ready now. Maybe it's just being here at camp with so many cool people - people who believe things I'd never even consider believing, trusting God to a degree I'd only imagine trusting him - but I'm feeling ready to let go of my angry stubbornness and be his child again. I'm ready to pray without cynicism and try reading my Bible and being joyful and content. There's nothing dramatic about this. It's just a choice I needed to make, and now I've made it, so let's get on with life.
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Jacob
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