I'm at children's camp, sitting on my bunk. I should probably be out there doing something with my kids, but I just can't find the strength to smile and deal with them now. I'm feeling drained, hopeless, purposeless. I'm fighting to keep the Evanescence out of my mental playlist. Why am I here? Because I said I would be. Because they need someone to be here so the kids can be here. But I don't think I'm doing a very good job. I'm back to that problem I faced my previous week of counseling - the week before I started coming back to God. The problem is prayer. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, do I pray for strength? Because I'm convinced that God will not help me in any perceivable, tangible way. To pray without faith would be wrong. But if I don't pray, I'm relying on my own strength. What if I fail? Worse, what if I succeed? I don't want to be self-sufficient. But I'm beginning to think that's the way it's got to be. I am Jacob; I am strong. Somehow, somewhere, that strength comes from God, but I don't understand that part.